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Letter of Intent
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I'm no writer

"I'm no writer."

Most of us have said that to ourselves at one time or another. But when you're a caregiver for someone with a disability, you may just need to be a writer. Not a professional writer—this is not the Great American Novel—but the literal definition of a writer as someone who writes something down.

You know that your child (it could be anyone with a disability, but we'll pretend it's your child) needs a Life Plan to guide another caregiver someday, but you are panicked at the thought of writing something down. You know so many things that no one else knows, but none of it is recorded in any organized way. You know you need to write something down.

But that's all you need to do. You don't have to be flowery or eloquent. Yes, it's a big task. Your head swims with the thousands of things that you know about your child. Things no one else knows. Things your child can't tell anyone. "Where do I start?" you may ask.

There is an answer to that question. Start anywhere.

I know that sounds disorganized, but it works. Start by writing down one thing. Anything. If you are about to serve your nonverbal child her lunch, then write down her five favorite lunches. If you're filling out a form for your child to attend summer camp, write down the instructions so someone else could fill it out next year. If you just returned from the doctor, write down the doctor's name, address and today's date and note what the doctor said.

And put it in a manila file called "Life Plan." Even if it's scribbled on a post-it note.

It's a start. Now you can say that you have a Life Plan for your child. Granted, it's not much, but it's a little bit better than when you had none. If you really are having trouble getting started, this could be just the right way to do it.

People who have trouble getting started sometimes suffer from perfectionism—that little voice that keeps telling you that what you're doing just isn't good enough. And, after a while, you find that one of the best methods for quieting that little voice is not to do it. Don't start. Don't try. That way you won't have to hear from yourself that it's not good enough.

At some level, you know it's irrational, but that doesn't make the voice go away. In fact, nothing ever makes that voice go away—instead, you need to change what the voice says to you. You need to change your self-talk. You need to tell yourself that having just one thing written down is better than none. No, it's not perfect, but it is better than nothing.

There are lots of ways to change your self-talk. Some find solace in prayer. Others dispute their self-talk with more rational ideas. Many find writing down their irrational self-talk helps them see how silly it is. No matter what you do, don't listen to negative self-talk about being perfect. Don't allow yourself to be stopped. Get started!

As for writing style, the best style for the Letter of Intent is your own conversational voice. So write what you think. Write what you would tell somebody in an interview. Just write.

But maybe perfectionism is not your problem. Maybe you are saying, "You don't understand. I really can't write it down." That's OK, too. There are lots of things you can do:

• Use a tape recorder. If you don't have one, borrow one. Be conversational. Be yourself.
• Make a videotape. Video gives you even more options than an audio tape. Walk around the house and show people what you mean while you talk. Demonstrate how to clean the feeding tube—that might be far easier to understand than any written instructions.
• Tell it to someone else who can write it down. Maybe you can't write, but someone you know can. Ask for help.
• Hire an advocate to do it for you. If you can afford it, there are professionals that will write a Life Plan for you. They interview you, write down your answers, and give you a Life Plan.
• Keep in mind one more thing—some of your Letter of Intent will simply tell the reader where to go to find the information, such as "See Dr. Williams for more information about her past chiropractic care."

Do something!

This month's Life Plan tip:

Save your calendars

You will be surprised at how much information is lurking in old family calendars. Your child's activities, doctor's appointments, dates with friends, holiday plans—they are all written down on your calendar.

Even if you don't think you can write your Life Plan right now, start squirreling away old calendars today. You can glean information from them, and you can also refer your reader to the old calendars. Never throw them out.

This month's featured question:

What's the difference between a Life Plan and a Letter of Intent?

This one's simple: nothing. There's no difference. A Life Plan and a Letter of Intent are two names for exactly the same thing. Perhaps the title of Life Plan is simpler to understand. It sounds like what it is: a document that explains the plan for someone's life.

You can easily imagine how anything that a person needs should be addressed in his Life Plan. But a Letter of Intent is exactly the same thing. It allows a caregiver to express her intent as to what her child needs in life. Whatever you call it, it's important to have one and to keep it up-to-date, so don't be concerned about what's called. Just start one.