Life Planners™ Newsletter
October 2006
by Mike and Linda Moran
Monthly advice on how to write your child's Letter of Intent,
also known as a Life Plan
Download our free sample
Letter of Intent
(All sensitive and identifying information has been changed.)
I need a guardian for my child.
Last month, we explained the basics of guardianship for your child. You learned the types of guardians you can appoint and the legal options open to you. You also learned that you can choose another person, a company, or the government to care for your child. So how do you decide?
As you might expect, it all depends on what your child needs. Any child under 18, disabled or not, would need a guardian if you were unable to provide care. But disabled people often need care long after they turn 18, often for life. (We'll follow our convention of referring to the disabled person as your child, even though it could be anyone you care for and they could be an adult, too.) Think carefully about what your child needs:
- Does your child need assistance outside the home? Can your child handle his self-care at home but needs transportation to a job and social environments? A child who is self-sufficient at home may not require a live-in guardian but may require some social services or friends that can pitch in to smooth their lives out in the world.
- Does your child need medical care? Don't confuse a guardian with a nurse. Just because you handle your child's medical needs today does not mean that a guardian should take over every task. Carefully consider whether a part-time or full-time home health-care worker should handle those tasks, freeing a guardian to focus on the person instead of the disability.
- Does your child need help making judgment calls? Think critically about how much assistance is required for day-to-day decisions. Is help needed paying bills or grocery shopping? Can the child be safely left alone at home? Decide what tasks are required for the guardian and how much help is needed. If you need someone to check over the bills your child paid each month, that's a different situation than someone who must make sure your child is dressed warmly each day. Decide if your child needs a live-in guardian that helps constantly with decisions or whether a trusted advisor that makes occasional visits is sufficient.
- Does your child need personal care? If your child can't dress himself or cook for himself or feed himself, you need a deeper level of involvement from helpers, which could be a guardian. You probably need live-in help that is constantly caring for your child. That help could be a guardian or could be a group home or some other placement that handles the care, freeing your guardian to focus on your child's broader needs.
This is not a complete list. Your child has unique needs, and you must consider them carefully. Don't be afraid to paste together a set of helpers for your child that assist her throughout her day: a group home that looks after her personal care and assists with shopping and bill-paying; a transportation service that takes her to work, to church, and to the social club she belongs to; several friends and relatives that take her on outings and to visit family; and a guardian to help her with big life decisions and monitor each of these other supports in her life.
Guardians should be chosen based on their ability to care for the person, not their ability with finances. In a future newsletter, we'll focus on how trusts and trustees work so that you can see how the financial aspects of your child's life can be handled. The guardian does not need to be your child's financial advisor or provider, although they often help with simple spending situations such as paying bills or shopping. Think about what will work best in your child's situation.
So now that you've thought about what your child will need, you are better equipped to choose your child's guardian. A relative or friend who is about the same age as your child can be a great choice, but you can also hire a company or apply to the government for help. Making your choice is a very emotional decision. You may find it helpful to think about it as a spiritual decision, where you pray, consult with trusted advisors, and involve your child in the thinking as much as makes sense (if you can do that without unduly upsetting her).
Once you make your decision, it's time to communicate it in your Life Plan. Here is a sample section from a Life Plan for a cognitively delayed child that is not yet 18. You will see that this family wants the child taken care of by family members and is planning for the other children (Elizabeth, Annette, and Derek) to be involved in the decisions when they are old enough.
If Sharon and I both die before any one of our children reaches 18, our will makes the determination of who becomes the guardian of the under-18 children. (Any children over 18 at our death are already adults in the eyes of the law.) Our will appoints (for any of our children under 18 at our death) Aunt Meredith as the primary guardian. If Meredith is unable to perform the duties of guardian for any reason, Aunt Nancy is her backup. Likewise, Aunt Mary is Nancy's backup, should it come to that.
If I am still living when Daniel reaches 18, I must take steps to become Daniel's guardian. Likewise, if Sharon is still living when Daniel becomes 18, she must take steps to become Daniel's guardian. When Daniel reaches 18, any guardian that has been appointed by our will must also be reappointed as Daniel's guardian. Our intention is that the primary guardian remains Daniel's sole guardian until he completes school at age 21.
After Daniel is 21, we intend for Meredith, Nancy, and Mary to become co guardians. Elizabeth, Annette, and Derek will also each become co guardians if they are age 21 or older. We intend that each be appointed guardians by the court as they turn 21.
Each of the guardians that we have selected knows Daniel very well and understands our wishes for him. If unable to personally take care of Daniel, each would make a good decision about placing Daniel in the most appropriate home environment. We intend that the guardians consult with each other, as well as Elizabeth, Annette, and Derek (regardless of their ages), on all major decisions for Daniel. Other family members and Daniel himself should also be involved in important decisions. In addition, Henry Sussman, our financial advisor, and Harris Lawton, our lawyer, can give advice to the guardians. We expect the guardians to pray for the wisdom to make the right decisions for Daniel. We expect the guardians to respect all opinions and to try to reach a true consensus on major decisions.
Remember how important it is for you to communicate your guardianship decision to everyone concerned. Make sure that your intentions are well understood while you are still able to explain them. Write them clearly in your Life Plan, but also discuss them with everyone now.
It is not easy to make such a personal decision about the care of your child. You don't want anyone else to care for your child, but most of our children do eventually need someone else's care. Make a careful decision and then share it with everyone involved so that it is carried out as you intend.
This month's Life Plan tip: Write one new topic.
Creating a Life Plan is a slow, ongoing process. It's best to surrender to that, rather than feel as though you must sit down and write the whole thing in one weekend. In the next week or so, find some time to sit down and start one new topic. Perhaps you can begin
to write down your thoughts about guardianship, or some other topic that is pressing on your mind right now. Perhaps your child has just
been through some kind of change in medical status, and it's fresh in your mind. It doesn't matter so much what you write next. What's more important is that you write a little at a time, often.
As you sit down to write, you no doubt will find yourself needing to do a bit of research before completing your thought. Maybe, for example, your child has just been diagnosed with diabetes, and you feel it's the right time to record her changed nutritional needs. Don't worry if the actual writing goes slowly—a substantial part of the work may not show. Your work may lie instead in gathering up your records and recalling what the doctor said. If it's fresh in your mind, that's even better. Then write whatever you can think of that might be useful to a caregiver in your theoretical absence.
This month's featured question: I have a lot of the Life Plan done. How do I know I've covered every topic that I should?
A Life Plan is a bit of a bottomless pit. There's always something more to write. That's why it's best to keep it handy, near where you work or play. Or at least keep paper handy. That way, when you think of a topic you haven't covered, you can quickly write it down. Even scribbling something on a post-it note will work. You can stick the post-it to the Life Plan, and then the next time you sit down at typewriter or computer to update the Life Plan, you can incorporate all those post-its.
So the answer to your question is don't worry about its completeness. It's a living document.
A thought to ponder:
"Contrived independence is better than no independence."—
Linda Moran, disability writer and mother of a disabled child.
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Last Modified: Wednesday, 06-Feb-2008 07:22:56 PST
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